been using this time to watch myself real quietly.. i see my growth because it feels so slow now- like the deep deep roots of trees and the hybernating creatures.. i have slowed wayyyyy down.. I sleep 9 hours a night these days.. i read and write more.. i take long hot showers and think about the water-where it comes from, where it's going.. I look at mybody cautiously now- feel like i only get to see it in glimpses these days because i have to where so many layers.. and when i look at myself, i look deeply- i look with wonder..
weird hunger today- craving dairy and cheese and whipped cread, even though my body is full of mucus and phlegm- tried to eat tofu and winter squash but felt like i needed coffee afterwords to wake and revive what was left of myself after digesting that small meal..
took a nap today- wanted to sleep more...
bought a steak but feeling so un-inthused..
i have so much work to do..it scares me to think of how i could just let time go by and nothing... what will i do about my sons?> each one represents this separate project that needs tending too..and my business, and my book?
and what about me?? waiting for someone to come in and take care of it all for me- feed me something hearty and big and let me go to sleep for two months for me to wake and find it all taken care of--the bills payed, the children healthy and nearby, the trees green, the birds nesting again....
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