arizona

at 3 am on saturday morning, while everyone i knew was asleep somewhere in the world, i woke, and drove myself to the Burlington airport to fly to arizona. At 4 something am I boarded a tiny tiny propeller plane to fly to Philadelphia- only to exit the "aircraft" 30 minutes later because of engine failure on the runway (i had a bad feeling about that plane from the moment i saw it so i was relieved to return to the airport!)- 10 minutes later i was rerouted and put on a larger plane to Washington dc. at 3:30 pm vermont time, i arrived in arizona and was quickly in the entrance way and arms of my grandmother...
i have spent the last three mornings doing yoga in the 60 degree sun and the last 3 afternoons and evenings with my grandmother. she is 80 (but looks 65) and has the energy and spirit of a young woman. I am enamoured by her- and always have been- so to be in her presence, and to be in her home, I am full of both pride and humility. I have always enjoyed her company, since my first visits to see her as a child, as well as in my adult life- our times together have been a treat and each as memorable as the first time i flew across the country at 8 in my yellow dress and sun hat- my grandmother is the closest link i have to my birth father, whom I feel very deeply connected to- and at the same time, I am her closest link to him- on top of all of that, we are naturally very similar in our "ways"-
Being with my grandmother is hard to describe-
i am now and have always been so curious about her- she has fantastic style, amazingly adventurous and mysterious stories of her travels and experiences, and she is the most devoted and clear person I have ever met. She loves clearly, consciously, and deliberately- she is disciplined and determined to enjoy her life the fullest, and does so in a way that makes it seem easy, and somewhat enviously so. And when I am with her, for me, my life feels whole and complete in a way that is impossible to describe in just a few words.
Because I owe many of my "firsts" to experiences I had with my grandmother (and grandfather too), I do think of her often- when cutting into a steak, i think of her showing me how to use a knife and fork properly- i think of her, and everything about that moment- the kitchen, the quoy pond beyond the sliding glass doors, the wedge of melon on my plate, the centerpiece on the table, the neatness of her hair, the light on the canvas hanging on the wall- and trust me-- each time i cut into a piece of food, i think of her. But when I am with her, it seems foolish to recount such little things-- especially, when I know that the reason I have coveted such mundane memories such as these, is because even as a child I felt that i was destined to know this woman. I studied her- i studied the way she decorated her house, the way she set a table, the way she dressed, the sort of things she liked to eat and drink, her posture, everything - how she brushed her teach with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide, how she exercised every day, how she let my grandfather dote on her, how she drank filtered room temperature water, how she spoke of her parents- the war- and how she maintained all of her relationships, even the most, regularly through letters and phone calls.. Some of my most fond memories are of her. I remember when I came to stay with her- each night there would be a gift under my pillow- something small, something simple- like a little candy or a jade stone- but each would be wrapped so perfectly, and so intricately-- i would be in my bed and she would say "how is your pillow?" and I would say "fine grandma"- and she would ask me if it was lumpy at all-- and i would say no- and she would say "look under it, i am sure it looks uncomfortable" and I would, and there the gift would be.... and i remember feeling so happy, so loved, and also so overwhelmed- and there she was looking at me, giggling- even as she does now still- with a look in her eye of complete and absolute love-

today my grandmother asked me to look through her things and pick out things i might like to have one day-- this caught me so off guard, and I cried.. she insisted that i really think about it and let her know- because, though she doesn't anticipate it coming soon, EVERYONE has an expiration... I looked around and felt so bizarre-- i don't like the thought of any of it being separated from each other-- for as long as i can remember her home as been as it is-- even before arizona-- i know she has carried many of these same things for such a long time, and they all belong together-- it's like a museum-

Today I brought a digital voice recorder and asked my grandmother to talk with me-- she agreed, but in return, I would have to cook lunch AND dinner!
we sat, and she talked for 3 hours! and, honestly, we could have sat for 300- she is so full of memories and with such clarity she tells these stories in her easy to listen to voice- stories of times i can only imagine- stories of a world that really doesn't exist anymore-

then, I cooked...



VERMONT MEALS TO HEAL THE SUNSOAKED ARIZONIAN

first meal at home:
(my grandmother's close friend, neighbor, and loved admirer has not been well, so i cooked some meals to both heal and entertain.. George could not have any vitamin K so, i left out all green vegetables)
VERMONT WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!
large whole organic chicken
{i cut out the back bone, then roasted it "spread eagle" (as grandma called it)}
i zested rind of fresh picked grapefruit
2 ounces chamomile tea (or sleepytime tea bag, opened and pored out)
1 table spoon course salt
1/4 table spoon course pepper
(i shoved all of the spices under the skin, and sprinkled a few on top and roasted in hot oven for just 30 minutes-- )

assorted root vegetables (parsnip, celeriac, purple potatoes, red potatoes, shallots)
cut and cubed, roasted with olive oil

acorn squash
cut in half, roasted seed side down, then turned over, filled with butter and maple and browned (YUMM)

salad
asian pear
granny smith
radish
fennel bulb
jicama
kolrabi
(above was spiral cut on a benriner)
blackberries
white balsamic
(blackberries and balsamic pureed with an immersion blender, then strained)
candied walnuts (garnish, whole)

lunch:
beyond simple- i brought an avocado, some salad greens and quinoa..

Salad:

quinoa
1/2 avocado
1 cup baby greens
drizzle olive oil
drizzle fresh lemon juice
drizzle tamari
tablespoon sunflower seeds

side of roasted edemame
side of roasted almonds with raisins


dinner-- night #2
(george's request....)
beef wellington.

1.5 lb fillet Mignon -2, 1"steaks, each cut in 1/2 (organic)
1/4 lb assorted mushrooms
3 tbs Madeira wine
6 tbs duck pate
1/8 inch thick puff pastry, 12x 12- (usually freshly made, but if frozen, make sure to thaw in advance)

1 bunch baby carrots with greens
9 baby potatoes
1/4 cup fresh peas

butter (of course)

(as I told my grandmother today, beef wellington is very simple-- it's just very expensive..)
so if you want to spend $20 per person to cook this AT HOME --go for it-- it's really not that hard and can be prepared in just under 1 and 1/2 hours.

(SIMPLE STEPS)

1. season both sides of meat with salt and pepper as well as olive oil-- let it sit out for about 1/2 hour to get to room temp
2. roughly chop mushrooms, then blitz in food processor, add some dried forest mushrooms for depth
3. sear the steak 1 minute each side HIGH HEAT (set aside)
4. put mushroom goo to the hot steak pan, saute for about 5-8 minutes (you will see water coming out, which is good-- water sogs pastry you know-) add wine, saute 3- 4 minutes longer until dry and fragrant, add a little salt- turn off heat.
5. cut puff pastry in large squares (about 2" wider on each side of a fillet)
6. rub with egg wash (scrambled up egg- UNCOOKED)
7. place fillet on center of each pastry square
8. top with about 1 tbs pate
9. top pate with 1/4 of mushroom mixture
10. fold up pastry and seal around meat and mushroom bundle
11. cover in egg wash
12. sprinkle salt
13. sprinkle pepper
14. cook for about 8-10 minutes at 425 ( or until a meat thermometer reads 145 for med rare)-

(of course the baby potatoes were roasting this whole time you were preparing the wellington --so they roasted about 30 minutes at 425

and for the carrots ?

peal, then steam for only about 4 minutes-

drain all water, add peas, a smidgen of butter, and let it do it's thing until ready to serve..

and now...

vanilla ice cream with just made preserved grapefruit!

just made preserve grapefruit:

fresh picked kitchen window grapefruit

2 star anise

1/4 cupe sugar

2 cups water

boil water, sugar, anise for about 15 minutes

add thinnly sliced pink grapefruit

add 1 tbs vanilla (or even better, 1 pod vanill bean, cut in 1/2)

reduce heat to med,

simmer 10 minutes,

pour in mason jar and can or refridgerate

makes yummy tarts and also good under chicken....