i love you--but

it has been over a month since i spoke with my parents-

i live across the country from them and have been pretty self sufficient since i was 15.. but this silence bothers me.

i have given both my parents my blog address- nearly 2 years ago- thinking that if i wrote here, freely, it would give them (and everyone else who wanted to know) an opportunity to read and comment.. but there is still silence.



there may have been a time that silence was comforting- a bit of a relief, maybe- but with this year going as it has been, i feel a bit isolated and abandoned in this silence..



here we are..

each

alone

ofcourse we have no way of knowing how connected we really are unless we completely embody connection--

and do i?



still asking--- who is my dad?

who is my mom?

who is this guy who was my dad?

who am I?

what is this?

when will i know?

when is it too late?







my children are growing

i am their family-



i'm scared sometimes

because

i know

i'm just not enough---



dad..

mom..

where are you?

mom dad,

the days are moving quickly now-- and then, it will be another new year..
beside me in the photo is Raina-cute and sweet and silly- and there is me--skinny, tinny and suddenly aging-
but alas- this photo was from LAST YEAR, and more has passed..
i work all of the time (i am writing this blog at 2 am, after having woken at 6 am -yesterday?) it's kind of like driving cross country non-stop (which we do from time to time in our youth) only i don't feel like i really got anywhere..
ok.
crystal.
make it come together.
heal

get close

ground

summer in vermont in 2009 is kind of like having to pretend that we live somewhere else (while still living here)- like Seattle--or,,-----------washington oregon- or------------------ even in another hemisphere (it's like winter in new zealand right now..!)--
what will happen next?

click here

click here...